By the time October rolls around, most first-year college students have gotten a taste of what college life really means. The excitement of move-in day has faded, classes are in full swing, and reality, whether thrilling or humbling, has set in.

Some students are thriving, building friendships, and managing their workload with confidence. Others are struggling with homesickness, tough professors, or the balancing act of social life and academics. Most are somewhere in between.

As parents, this is the moment when it’s tempting to step in, fix things, and offer solutions. But the real growth of the first semester happens when students learn to navigate challenges themselves with your quiet support in the background. Here’s how to help without taking over.

1. Start with Curiosity, Not Criticism

When your student calls home stressed about a grade, roommate, or workload—start by listening. Resist the urge to jump straight into problem-solving. Instead, ask open-ended questions:

• “What’s been the most surprising part of college so far?”

• “What’s been harder or easier than you expected?”

• “What have you tried so far to handle that?”

These kinds of questions show trust and help them think through their next steps, rather than turning to you for the answers.

2. Normalize the Learning Curve

The first semester is a steep adjustment for nearly everyone. Students are figuring out how to study for college-level exams, manage their own time, and live with new people, all while trying to build a sense of belonging.

Parents can ease the pressure by reminding them that it’s normal to struggle in the beginning. Encourage reflection, not perfection. Saying things like, “Everyone’s first semester is a learning experience” helps them see setbacks as part of growth, not as failure.

3. Gently Encourage Campus Resources

Many students hesitate to ask for help, either because they don’t know where to turn or because they feel embarrassed. Parents can play a crucial role by normalizing help-seeking behavior.

You might say:

• “Have you talked to your professor during office hours? They really want to help.”

• “Your school has free tutoring and writing support—have you checked it out?”

• “Counseling centers aren’t just for crises. They can help you handle stress and transitions.”

Frame resources as smart tools, not signs of weakness.

4. Reinforce Healthy Habits

It sounds basic, but sleep, nutrition, exercise, and routine are the foundation of academic success. Gently remind your student to take care of themselves: eat something green occasionally, get outside, and turn off the phone before 2 a.m.

If they’re feeling burned out, suggest small resets like a weekend walk with a friend, a digital detox, or setting up a study routine that includes breaks.

5. Step Back and Let Them Lead

The most effective parenting strategy at this stage is coaching, not controlling. That means offering perspective, not prescriptions.

Try phrases like:

• “What do you think you want to do about that?”

• “Would you like my input, or do you just want to vent?”

• “I trust you’ll figure this out, you’ve got this.”

When you show confidence in their ability to handle challenges, they start to believe it too.

6. Celebrate Small Wins

It’s easy to focus on the big milestones, grades, majors, internships, but right now, celebrate the little victories:

• Successfully navigating the dining hall.

• Making a new friend.

• Turning in a tough paper.

• Calling home to share good news.

Those small wins build momentum and confidence.

7. Keep Perspective

This first semester is about more than GPA; it’s about growth, resilience, and learning how to live independently. Even if your student is struggling, remind yourself (and them) that this is a process. Most students find their footing by the spring semester, often stronger and more self-aware because of the bumps along the way.

Final Thought

Your freshman is learning how to be an adult, and that process is rarely smooth. The best gift you can give is steady encouragement, a listening ear, and faith in their ability to figure things out. College success isn’t just about mastering academics; it’s about mastering self-confidence.

Bierer is an independent college adviser based in Charlotte. Send questions to: lee@bierercollegeconsulting.com; www.bierercollegeconsulting.com