The college admissions process has occasionally been likened to an old-fashioned mating ritual.

• The process starts out with mutual flirtation: the student flirts with the college, requesting information and perhaps visiting campus; the college flirts with the student, sending emails and a forest-full of brochures, mailings, and catalogues.
• It starts to get a little more serious: the student may think they’ve “fallen in love” and want to “go steady.”  They decide to apply as a binding Early Decision candidate, i.e., they’re “exclusive” with the one college. This means that if they are accepted, they must attend. Or many students choose to “play the field” and open up their search to include many colleges and universities.
• Students apply, also known as the “prom-posal” period, when they are desperately demonstrating their love. They solicit letters of recommendation, submit affirmations in the form of transcripts and test scores, and write elaborate essays for each hopeful prospect.
• Colleges are now playing hard-to-get and are in hibernation mode, putting off making any decisions for months and months. Now colleges hold all the cards in this phase and won’t share details on their commitment potential.
• Students sweat through the waiting period, and then the notifications start arriving. They are often pleasantly surprised at the number of colleges that have now decided they love them back. Or, they may be deflated by the break-up news when they receive rejection letters.
• Then there are the colleges that just can’t decide, and they inform students that they need more time; stringing them along with no commitment at all. They ask students if they’re willing to wait; some choose to wait, and others turn them down because they received better offers. Wait-listed students need to decide how much energy they want to invest in these relationships, because wait-lists are unpredictable.
• Some students have unrealistic hopes and expectations of a “destined” relationship that perhaps was never meant to be, but alas, it is often a one-sided romance. Try to prevent yourself from getting hurt again and again by finding a college that loves you just as much or even more than you love them.
• Offers are out, and the tables have turned; students are now in control, and colleges are now the suitors. They eagerly await decisions from students; often times making personal calls, sending gifts, and welcoming them back to campus on “Accepted Student Days.” They serve the best food on these special days that students won’t see again until graduation weekend. Campuses are as clean as Main Street in Disney World, and everyone is happy.
• After recovering from what can be a most devastating break-up, most students can identify which college represents the best fit for them. They pick themselves up, dust themselves off, make a solid decision, and live happily ever after.

My favorite anecdote/statistic that I heard at a college counselor conference is that by Halloween, 95 percent of students are at their “first choice” school! Kids are resilient, and most are happy wherever they choose to go.

Bierer is an independent college adviser based in Charlotte. Send questions to: lee@bierercollegeconsulting.com; www.bierercollegeconsulting.com